The Byrd Cage

Mort & Hugs Episode 3.1

In Features on November 20, 2013 at 10:13 am

Hello there, Cagers!  Mort and Hugs are ecstatic to be back and not procrastinating til February.  We’ll see how many of these we can fire off before the postseason. The over-under is 6.

In true Mort and Hugs form, the only information I have on the entire sport of basketball at this point in the season is what I’ve gleaned from the Byrd Cage email thread and the viral video of superfan Charles Van Dyke singing Miley Cyrus to the chagrin of James McAdoo.  What I can almost guarantee you is this: you should be prepared to hear “Wrecking Ball” during at least one opposing player’s free throws for every single Bruins home game this year, and that is a conservative prediction.  Pro tip: impress your friends and further confuse opponents by singing Emmylou Harris’s “Wrecking Ball” instead.  Coach Byrd might even recognize it.  Or also confuse your friends by singing Bruce Springsteen’s “Wrecking Ball.”

Apparently, we have also taken a wrecking ball (I believe I can safely assume that you see what I did there) to our chances of ever playing a top-25 ranked non-conference opponent again.  But last Sunday’s win is too sweet for us to wring our hands over the potentially unfortunate implications for our future schedule.  Rather, we should be rejoicing. So rejoice I shall, and not just because my last two girlfriends have left me with deep fear, distrust, and schadenfreude towards all things North Carolinian. Don’t get me wrong – it’s mostly that. But I shall also rejoice in the promising implications for a season I initially feared threatened by the Ian Clark vacuum.

However that is all in the more distant future. In the IMMEDIATE future we have another game vs. our old nemesis the Bison(s).  I have to say, I’m a little nervous based on our sloppy play against them in our first meeting. Also, hell hath no fury like a now-irrelevant former conference rival scorned.

Ah, who am I kidding? Belmont wins it 83-72.

Like my relationships with my last two girlfriends, I’m keeping this post short. I’d love to say that the brevity is intentional, as if to ease you into the gauntlet of hard-hitting sports journalism that is Mort and Hugs.  In truth I am just shamefully underprepared for the season. Is it because I’m so stressed out over my abysmal fantasy football performance that I regularly forget it’s basketball season? Maybe. Is it because I haven’t done any “research” whatsoever or even a cursory scan of the Belmont basketball twittersphere? Who’s to say?

Perhaps Mort is to say.  But he’s out of commission this week so you’ll have to imagine what he’d say.  Probably something like “Drew Hanlen makes Tim Tebow look like Ariel Castro if he also developed Comcast’s customer service model.”

Stay tuned for more, Cagers.  It is my solemn promise that Mort and Hugs will only get better from here, and I have the “It Gets Better” video to prove it…

– Hugs

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