The Byrd Cage

“About Last Night”- With Mort and Hugs, Week 3

In Game Posts on March 9, 2012 at 10:46 am

The theme of this week’s About Last Night with Mort and Hugs (or as we in “the biz” call it, ALNwM&H, pronounced just like it looks) is “Good Riddance.” That’s right, we’ve left the A-Sun and kicked the door off its hinges on the way out.  Side note:  The funniest thing about “googling” Florida Gulf Coast is that you get mostly Stetson results.  


Jordan Burgason ‏ @itsburgtime
Your boy got a new diet today…look out, finna get swole on ya.

Hugs:  Another from a weekly favorite, our boy Burg.  I have nothing to say here really, just watch out ladies.  This boy is setting out to break some hearts, by leaving you permanently for undisclosed reasons.

Mort:  It took me a while to figure out what ‘finna’ meant. I believe it is slang for ‘fixing to’ which is southern slang for ‘I am about to’. And they didn’t let him graduate? Huh.

Jose Canseco ‏ @JoseCanseco
I am truly sorry for hurting my teamates and friends when I wrote juiced.

Hugs:  Not a basketball tweet, but I just watched Moneyball for the first time last night and I’m in the mood, and that mood is enthusiastic and jovial but with the restraint that comes from not being on steroids.  A note: “Juiced” in this case is a memoir and not an adverb.  I had to look that up because I assumed based on Mr. Canseco’s personal history and lack of proper punctuation and capitalization that he very well could have been referring to a hurtful incident in which he wrote while on steroids.  I also thought that Mr. Canseco would have trouble writing a book based on his general disdain for punctuation, grammar, and spellcheck.

I promise you that neither Mort nor I have ever, EVER used steroids.  I have however taken HGH injections in my typing fingers, which is all of them.

Mort:  Speak for yourself. I’m finna get swole on ya.

Also from Jose:”I am probably the only person in history that will never be forgiven for telling the truth and making MLB better and safer for everyone especially young kids”

Hugs:  No, I think you’ll never be forgiven because you are part of a disgraced band of hulking behemoth drug-monsters.

Mort:  What the?!  MAN.  In what way was the MLB dangerous for young kids? And didn’t you help create the problem? and then bring down all of your buddies with you when you got caught? and then you got rich off of the book you wrote to tattle on your friends? and you want credit for cleaning up the game you dirtied almost single-handed? 

John Jenkins ‏ @JohnnyCashVU23
Vandy needs a Fresh prince and Martin tv network

Hugs:  You need a DVD player.  What Vandy REALLY needs is 130% more parking, and at least one paper towel dispenser on campus that works. 6,800 undergrads paying $40,320 a year and I’m still drying my hands on my pants.  Is this justice?

Mort:  Is this a Vandy blog? Take your whiny ass back to the other side of 21st.


Darrell Waltrip ‏ @AllWaltrip
Coach Rick Byrd and the Belmont Bruins are headed to the NCAA tournament again, an amazing job Coach Byrd does every year, congratulations

Hugs:  That’s right: THE Darrell Waltrip has an eye on our boys in blue and their fearless leader.  Because I am impressed that he is paying attention, I will refrain from saying that NASCAR is a terrible sport built on a colossal waste of money and non-renewable resources.  Did you know that NASCAR is directly responsible for 70% of the world’s Mello Yello consumption?  Inexcusable.

Mort:  You didn’t watch the Daytona 500? Because they have added new fire and water hazards in order to spruce up the action. 


Spencer Turner (@SpencerTurner11) 2/23/12 8:46 AM
Fun facts of the day: a dog can make 1,000 different facial expressions. Also a snail can sleep for 3 years. Things I would’ve never guessed

Hugs:  …because we’re not just all about laughs here at ALNwM&H; we want you to learn something too.

Mort:  I don’t even know what to say. “In an ongoing study, these snails have been sleeping for 3 years…” Your snails are dead. #science


Ryan Hurd ‏ @notryanhurd
@HoldenMobley happy birthday to pureheart shooting guard at THE Belmont University. May you dream sweet dreams of vanessa hudgins.

Hugs:  I will give this “Ryan Hurd” character a pass on his typographical errors so that I may second his belated birthday salutations to my favorite person who shares a first name with one of my least favorite literary characters.  The Catcher in the Rye was kind of annoying that one time I read it in high school.

Mort: I didn’t get a retweet or a reply…after such a personal and well-crafted note!


Ken Pomeroy ‏ @kenpomeroy
Time to get your #Belmont on, America.

Hugs:  #truth

Mort:  Apparently Ken Pomeroy is some sort of stats nerd that looks kind of like Lloyd in Dumb and Dumber. “Harry, your hands are freezing!” For all of his geekery, he sure was right on the Bruins, but then again, so was everyone else.  


Gerard Solé @gsole14
Filip Cvjeticanin, hijo de Danko y crecido en la cantera de Asefa Estudiantes, 13 puntos en 13 minutos en la final de la A-SUN #NCAA

Hugs: #verdad

Mort:  This should have been deleted. It’s some sort of nonsense en espanol about the guy from the other team from the Czech Republic. All I hear is GRRRRRRRRRRRR

Tweet of the Week:

We Make Our Best Team Play On The Road

This week’s Tweet o’ the Week is not so much a tweet as it is a quote from the grownup internet, as in an actual article.  The following quote comes from one Kenneth Pomeroy: “The Atlantic Sun: ‘We make our best team play on the road.’”

As mentioned above, the theme of this week (and by “this week” I mean “this single quote”) is Good Riddance.  To the A-Sun, that is.  After watching a harrowing 3 days of what seemed like a brazen attempt by the conference to thumb their nose at us (an insult I will not lightly bear) for leaving them flat on their bums, we could not help but be indignant.  It is vindicating to see that the renowned KenPom shares our sentiment.  Why was the tourney at Mercer? Because that’s where A-Sun headquarters are? Because it’s centrally located? Setting the tournament in Macon without regard for the actual ability of the teams involved and the probable outcome of the tournament is asinine, just like whoever’s dumb idea it was to make Springfield the capital of Illinois.  Did you not think the Great Lakes were going to be important?  No one ever has or ever will have reason to go to Springfield except for 8th grade social studies classes, centrality notwithstanding.  But I digest.

Belmont deserved more respect, so we demanded it and elicited it one last time.  ETSU and FGCU put up quite the fight, and our hat is off to them, but all we can say now is enjoy battling for primacy in your diminished conference.  Your new slogan can be “The Atlantic Sun: 3 Beautiful Teams and 6 Ugly Ones.”

Seriously though, thanks for the memories.  Smell ya later.  Mort?

Springfield is the capitol of Illinois? I don’t know what gives me more joy, the fact that Belmont is leaving the Atlantic Sun with 5 championships and tournament appearances, or the fact that Lipscomb still has zero. And winning on the way out is one giant middle finger to the rest of the conference. But not really the kind like “Hey, I’m really mad at you and I wish Jesus would revoke your personal salvation” kind of middle finger, more of a figurative middle finger, like “hey, I’m sorry but it’s just not working out, I’m dating your sister now because she’s better looking.” But we can still be friends.


“About Last Night” with Mort and Hugs is a weekly segment highlighting all the best sports tweets around.
Comments?  Questions?  Suggestions?  Email them at

  1. LOL as usual Mort & Hugs. I think you guys should toss in a completely fabricated tweet each week and make us guess which one it is – – because it would actually be hard. The things these cats say are pretty CRAY.

    P.S. Can’t believe Bert let Mort say “middle finger”
    P.S.S. Mort . . .did you mistakenly reveal your identity in this article?

  2. Matt hates anonymity.

  3. Hugs tried to keep it a thinly veiled secret.

  4. I spent two full days at the A-Sun tourney. Aside from the joy of seeing Belmont win again, here is the other think I took away. FGCU will dominate the tournament next year and Brett Comer will be the MVP – he is a serious player.

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